Memories of Dad

"Daddy!"  "Daddy!"

A small chubby girl runs into a room and jumps on her dad's lap.
"Hey, what's up, my little Princess?"
Dad puts aside the newspapers that he'd been reading for some time with a smile on his face.

She's always running around the house and everywhere she could set her little foot on, bursting with energy.
"I want a hug!" 
Rosy cheeks, breathless from her latest adventures playing hide and seek with the kids next door, she's wearing a beautiful knitted dress that mum had made for her. She never really liked wearing them, but mum always insist that she should behave and wear like a girl which she doesn't really cared, obviously. 

"If a hug is what my Princess wants, she must have it," dad says lovingly.
She squeezed her dad's hand while he hugged her.
Feeling safe and comfy, she must be the luckiest kid in the whole world to have parents that doted on her. Even though they were always not by her side, she still have grandma taking care of her. 
Two sisters, but they rarely really accompany her as they are grown ups. Busy with studies and sometimes dating with casual guys.
They were beautiful, and she had always thought that she wanna grow up and be as awesome as them. Other than that, there's not much connection between them while she's still a kiddie.
In fact, grandma's her best friend, and she thinks that grandma must have felt the same way too. 
She smiled happily.

Years passed, and she is turning 12 years old in another couple of months.
She's excited and thinking of what will dad and mum get for her this year.
"Sandy, you know I've already got a lot of plush toys and I hoped that I will be getting something else this year."
"Mum actually threatened to throw away Carol last month and finally relented when I said bye to her with teary eyes."
"That's so scary! We must not allow that to happen again."
Sandy is her first plush toy. It looks like a cat with a flat body, wearing a yellow and green polka dot dress.
Sandy didn't respond and will never be able to respond but she didn't mind anyway.
Most of her childhood were spent chatting and playing with plush toys alone and she'd gotten quite used to it.
After chatting with Sandy for about an hour, she finally placed her sitting beside Carol, the pink doggy doll and ran to see what grandma's doing.

Sleeping soundly at night, she was awakened by a shake.
"Mum, I wanna sleep." Turns around and pulls blanket as she's feeling cold.
"No, you will have to come with me."

Getting on a car, with a driver she barely recognize, she sits silently with mum on the backseat.
She saw both her sisters get on another car but she does not know the reason why.
Got a little fidgety after few minutes in the car, unsure of what's going on.
Mum turned around and looked at her.
"Ling, dad's dead."
"Huh?" The only response a 12 year old kid could manage.
"Dad's not coming back to us anymore."

She did not really understand what had happened to dad. Only that mum had told her dad's gone. But where?
Moments of silence is indeed deafening.

Dad's friends brought them to the Government Hospital in the town.
Walked through a path with grasses and finally arrived at an isolated building.
Peeking through the scissors retractable doors, she saw her dad.
"Kneel down, girls. This is your dad."
She kneeled obediently alongside her two sisters.
Straining her eyes, she managed to get a clear view at dad.
What she saw, was not what she expect to be.
An image that she could never get out of her mind for the rest of her life.

Dad's lying on the mosaic tiled hard bed.
He seemed to be sleeping there.
She could see his head and then her gaze stopped.
Drip, drip, drip..
Blood trickled from his head to the floor, forming a dark red pool of blood.
It finally dawned on her, dad's gone forever.

Chasing stars in the skies ..

Came across a quote on the website and it left a deep impression on me ..


一個對你不好的人, 你一定要學會放下 ..
不要為他的任何事情, 任何言行而痛苦 ..

你要想, 如果他愛你, 一定不忍心對你不好 ..
所以結論就是, 他不夠愛你, 或者他根本不愛你 ..

對於一個不愛你的人,
有什麼必要為他煩惱, 為他傷心呢 ?

就是個路人甲罷了..




Have you ever miss someone so much that it hurts?
Knowing that he does not care for you, yet you still can't stop yourself from thinking about him?


Telling yourself that ..
If he loves truly loves me, he would never have disregard my feelings ..
Maybe he does love me, maybe he never ..


Why should I care so much for a person that does not even bother about me?
Why should I allow him to break my heart indifferently?
He's just a nobody in my life ..


Convincing myself that he's not the one for me ..
Yet, finding excuses for his indifferent attitude, again and again ..


Time after time, I battled with my emotions ..
Fighting with the tears that I absolutely have no control on .. 


Until someday, I woke up ..

He no longer matters to me ..


In the process of healing, I've grown to be a more matured person ..
As time goes by, I realized that I no longer wanted u to be in my life ..


I once thought that you were my skies .. 
It ended up that you were just a fleeting cloud ..  : )




♥ Chloe's thoughts .. ♥
I have to say that this quote does apply to a lot of people in reality ..
At times, we indulge in memories that hurts us yet couldn't bear to snap out of it .. 


Think back ..
It's our life and we should take charge of it .. 
Create a better future instead of wallowing in misery .. 

Life is too beautiful to be missed ..

Treasure all those that are good to you instead of chasing stars in the skies ..  : )

My weeds .. ♥

I permed my hair at last !!


Everyone around me were saying ..
Can you please go and colour your hair?
It looks like grass ..
Get some curls, Missy !!


Okay, okay .. I'll go ..
I'm just the kind of lazy and "I don't care" type of person ..
As long as I don't scare people off with my looks, who cares?


To stop the moans, I decided to go colour and perm my hair wavy ..


2 pm ..
I reached the saloon, a place recommended by one of my gal friend ..
The stylist that attended to me named Bi Fong is a nice and attentive gal ..
She recommended the type of curls that would suit me ..
I felt safe in her hands as she seems to be quite experienced even though she looked young ..


The first step would be to straighten my fringe and the sides so that my face would look slimmer ..
Woot Wootzz !!  I love that !!  ♥

3 pm ..
My butt felt hot .. I'm someone that can't sit still for even a minute ..
So, I took off my shoes and sat like a kiddie on the chair .. Lol
Tried to divert my attention from my "bouncy" butt to the book I were reading, Salem's Lot from Stephen King ..
It is a good book, I gotta finish it soon so I can know the ending by this week ..   :P


4 pm ..
Bi Fong started setting the curls on my hair .. I can't wait to see how I would look like after it ..


Still shifting my butt on chair every now and then, I switched to my games in Iphone 4s ..
That game, Draw Something made me laughed ..
I realized that most of my friends can't really draw ..
Some pictures nearly made me vomit blood when I gave up on the guessing ..
But I gotta admit that I do get complaints that my drawings are bad too .. hahaha


Beep beep .. Low batt .. Ughhh, gotta get back to my evil book on the desk ..


6:30 pm ..
The curls are finally done ..
Now we gotta wait for the colours to be painted on my head ..  :D
Bi Fong suggested brown that have red tones in it, but as I'm not a fan of red, we decided to switch to a colour that is more to brown tones ..
My butt is screaming for help as I've been squashing it's face on the chair for hours ..


8:45 pm
Yay !! I'm done !! At last !!
I kinda liked the curls as they are quite natural and easy to maintain as said by Bi Fong ..
Truly hoped that I won't turn my head into a disaster when I try to do a blowjob myself .. Opss I mean to blow dry it ..  *winks*


This is the picture of my straight hair and wavy hair ..
I love the straight hair cos it's easy and hassle free .. Yet the curls seemed to make me into a different person with a new look ..
Can't say that I'm lovin' it now cos I'm still trying to get used to them, but I think I will, in time ..    ♥

Back To Simplicity ..

Were listening to Priscilla Ahn's "Dream" today ..


The sweet and simple melody brought back a lot of my childhood memories ..


Everyone's simple and innocent as kids ..


Looking back, the simplicity in most of us grew less and lesser as we are more and more into contact with the reality world ..
Too much distractions in life, too much responsibilities to handle, too much goals to achieve and too much expectations in ourselves ..


I used to feel the same way too ..
Feeling stressful and suffocated over the pressures from life ..
Wishing I could restart my life all over again, forgetting about everything that weighed in my mind everyday ..


Until one day, something dawned on me ..
I realized that even if I could restart my life anew, the same situations will still happen all over again ..
Things that I dislike and wish to change will never cease to exist ..


From that day on, I stopped wishing to have a new life ..


I wanted to change my life ..


Changed my mindset, started seeing things from different views ..
Accepting things as they are and believing that I could do more ..
Too much things are beyond my control, I can't change the others but I can certainly change the way I think ..
Taking more control of my emotions and thinking positively ..
Learning to be more understanding and to not to judge things or people around me ..


Slowly, I can see the Changes ..
Work, Life and even Relationships with the people around me changed for the better ..


I can't say that I'm a good person, but at least I'm trying to learn to be better in all ways ..
I'm going to take charge of my life and live it to the fullest without regrets ..  


No setbacks ever last a lifetime ..
We are the ones that allow them to affect us ..
No one is to be blamed for whatever situations we are in ..
It is our life and we should be responsible for it ..


Sitting down and relaxing my mind when I have the time ..
Appreciating more and more simple things in my life ..
Knowing that life can be as simple and happy too ..


I'm thankful for each and every thing that God has given to me in my Life ..

Now, I can proudly say that, I ♥ my Life ..   : )

My Birthday ..

When I were a lil kid, I used to countdown the days to my birthday eagerly ..
I couldn't remember what presents I've gotten from my parents and sisters ..
All I could remember were the feeling of happiness and certain memories left from pics taken then ..
Mummy would doll me up in dresses with white long stockings and plait my hair neatly in two long braids ..
I could still remember vividly a picture of me holding a cake with shinning eyes and a big excited smile on my face ..


As I grew up, birthdays no longer hold the same meanings for me ..
I started to have hopes and expectations as any normal gal would do ..
Mixed feelings always knock me out during this weird day of mine ..


Celebrating birthdays always seem to be my most vulnerable moment .. 
I would have wishes and hoped that they will come true ..
Even though I knew it's just a myth, I couldn't help but still wished for miracles though ..


I started to question myself ..
What will make me truly happy on this day?
To treat it like any normal day will do?
Not to have the slightest expectations and to let the day pass peacefully?
Or to wait for the surprises?
I do not have the real answers to it ..



In the 364 days at work, I have to be rational at all times ..
Even though I still work on my birthday, I would yearn to just be Myself in this day of mine ..

Wishing that I could just do anything without having to think of the consequences ..

A silly thought of mine ..   : )

Then, something happened on last year's birthday ..
I cried while I were eating my birthday cake ..
My first unhappy memory of birthdays ..


This year ..
The day before my birthday arrived, an unhappy incident happened ..
In my whole lifetime, I never knew I had so much tears ..
I even wished the day would never come ..
It was a dreadful day as I battled with my emotions and feelings ..


I do not have supernatural powers to freeze the time and I had to deal with The Dreadful Day ..
From 12am onwards, the texts messages on my phone, Facebook and the calls to wish me a happy birthday come endlessly ..
As usual, my pressies will always have white roses and chocolates among them ..
I felt the warmth in my heart as I still do have lots of friends that care for me ..


As the day near its end, I felt a sense of relief and I were thinking to myself , "Whew, at last" ..


All of a sudden, my worker gals popped behind me with a bear cake ..
The look of the cake was so cute that it lit up my mood instantly ..


When I look at their excited faces, the answer that I've been searching for, suddenly dawned on me ..
Birthdays .. To accept it with a simple and pure heart and I will feel the happiness in the simplicity .. 
To know that the people around me are trying to make me happy in all the possible ways .. 


I guess Birthdays aren't that bad at all, perhaps?
Although I still naughtily wished that it will never arrive next year .. haha


Happy Birthday .. Chloe   

I Miss You ..

The feeling of missing someone ..
It feels sweet when you are in Love ..
Yet, painful when you're out of it .. 
Tormenting, when you are guessing whether that person is thinking of you too ..
Amazing, when that person says "I Miss You too", all the insecurities were swept away ..


No matter how it is, it's hard to stop our hearts from missing the ones we love dearly ..
Everyone has their own experiences of missing someone in their life ..
And each has their own ways of expressing it ..
Some showed it through words, while some in actions ..


A lot of people love to say "I Miss You" too easily ..
I've always pondered on this, "Do they really mean it?"
Actually, some say "I Miss you" just for the sake of saying it .. 
Sad but True ..


Some showed their affections through actions ..
They seldom say "I Miss You" but are showing it in all the possible ways ..
The small unromantic gestures are actually the most simple and basic rules of being Romantic .. 


I would want someone that will hug me even when he's feeling tired ..
Someone that will kiss me when we are having arguments ..
To wipe my tears away when I'm crying .. 
Giving me a piggyback rides when I'm tired .. 
When I'm hungry, he will cook for me because he would not want me to starve ..   
And he won't mind listening to my gibberish talks with a smile on his face ..  : )


Someone that will make me feel loved and missed from his actions, rather than honeyed words from his lips ..
I will not tell him that his small gestures are going to be rooted deeply in my Heart .. 
Because, that's my little secret ..  :P


Someday, when I sit in his hugs playfully forcing him to say "I Miss You", that will be the day he enters my Heart completely ..  : )

The silly gal from the past ..

Last week, I saw a status posted on a friend's facebook wall .. 

It says ..

One day you're gonna want her ..

That girl that knew she wasn't perfect, but tried to be for you .. 

That girl who wanted nothing more than to be there for you, and loving you was the only way she could ..

The girl who sees your flaws, but values them as much as your strengths ..

That girl who still can't bring herself to hate you, even though sometimes you probably deserve it ..

That girl that should have you, but doesn't ..

I liked this status a lot .. 

Perhaps because it's melancholy beautiful or maybe it was just part of me from the Past that feels the similarity ..

I know I'm mad but who wants to be rational in Love?

Rationality kills all the passion in a relationship .. 

Of course I would not want a foolish lover without a sense of logicality but I do yearn for a passionate lover that loves me with all his Heart .. 

I'm actually laughing while writing these .. 

I guess I'm just hopelessly romantic when I'm really in Love ..

I'm silly when I truly liked a person from the bottom of my heart ..

I know I'm not perfect and I will not want to be, but I will try to be my best for you ..

I can't do much sometimes, but I will be there when you needed someone by your side ..

Holding your hands silently, letting you know that you're not facing your obstacles alone ..

Accepting all your flaws because I truly liked you ..

Even when you've hurt me so bad, I still can't bring myself to hate you .. 

Finding excuses for you just to cover up all the painful moments you've created in my heart ..

There are moments when I'm in total denial of myself but I know I had to overcome my emotions and move on ..

Like it or not, Life goes on ..

A lot of people always blamed on Love when they felt hurt .. 

But, it's actually Love that makes us alive again, isn't it?

It's up to us to live our life with happiness or sadness ..

Why not choose the happier option?