My Birthday ..

When I were a lil kid, I used to countdown the days to my birthday eagerly ..
I couldn't remember what presents I've gotten from my parents and sisters ..
All I could remember were the feeling of happiness and certain memories left from pics taken then ..
Mummy would doll me up in dresses with white long stockings and plait my hair neatly in two long braids ..
I could still remember vividly a picture of me holding a cake with shinning eyes and a big excited smile on my face ..


As I grew up, birthdays no longer hold the same meanings for me ..
I started to have hopes and expectations as any normal gal would do ..
Mixed feelings always knock me out during this weird day of mine ..


Celebrating birthdays always seem to be my most vulnerable moment .. 
I would have wishes and hoped that they will come true ..
Even though I knew it's just a myth, I couldn't help but still wished for miracles though ..


I started to question myself ..
What will make me truly happy on this day?
To treat it like any normal day will do?
Not to have the slightest expectations and to let the day pass peacefully?
Or to wait for the surprises?
I do not have the real answers to it ..



In the 364 days at work, I have to be rational at all times ..
Even though I still work on my birthday, I would yearn to just be Myself in this day of mine ..

Wishing that I could just do anything without having to think of the consequences ..

A silly thought of mine ..   : )

Then, something happened on last year's birthday ..
I cried while I were eating my birthday cake ..
My first unhappy memory of birthdays ..


This year ..
The day before my birthday arrived, an unhappy incident happened ..
In my whole lifetime, I never knew I had so much tears ..
I even wished the day would never come ..
It was a dreadful day as I battled with my emotions and feelings ..


I do not have supernatural powers to freeze the time and I had to deal with The Dreadful Day ..
From 12am onwards, the texts messages on my phone, Facebook and the calls to wish me a happy birthday come endlessly ..
As usual, my pressies will always have white roses and chocolates among them ..
I felt the warmth in my heart as I still do have lots of friends that care for me ..


As the day near its end, I felt a sense of relief and I were thinking to myself , "Whew, at last" ..


All of a sudden, my worker gals popped behind me with a bear cake ..
The look of the cake was so cute that it lit up my mood instantly ..


When I look at their excited faces, the answer that I've been searching for, suddenly dawned on me ..
Birthdays .. To accept it with a simple and pure heart and I will feel the happiness in the simplicity .. 
To know that the people around me are trying to make me happy in all the possible ways .. 


I guess Birthdays aren't that bad at all, perhaps?
Although I still naughtily wished that it will never arrive next year .. haha


Happy Birthday .. Chloe